This is so stereotypical I laugh as I write it. Fifty-year-old perimenopausal woman seeks clarity and a way past being stuck and not knowing what she wants out of life. She is thankful for her husband and family, has above-average talent and ambition, but finds herself not knowing what she wants to be when she grows up. Attracted to alternative medicine, yoga, and raw foodism, but struggles with living completely out of sync with her large family (eight kids) and traditional husband who opposes voluntary change, but mostly has never been able to answer the question of what her passions are. Kids and husband, obviously, but beyond that her life has been one of reaction to pregnancy, children's needs, husband's job and the results of moving to a new community every few years. Half the children are now out of the house, the rest growing independent, and there is finally time to reflect how to spend my time in a meaningful way.
I have been fascinated with an article I read in Women's World magazine about Angela Stokes, who lost 160 pounds on a raw food diet. I dove in and paid money to download her e-books, and have been obsessively reading her journals, blogs. Also last night I watched the show "Crazy, Sexy Cancer" and was fascinated with the stories of the women who suffered from cancer. In particular one of the women chose to fight her cancer through living and raw foods, and I was struck by how healthy she looked compared to those who chose a more traditional way of battling their disease. They showed photos of slides taken of her blood work, and you could actually see the difference in the health of the cells pre- and post- raw diet. It was incredible. It was a slow evening, so I was switching back and forth between the cancer show and the one about the obesity clinic, watching with morbid fascination people so large they were bed-bound and how they dealt with food addictions.
Let me say here that I am not overweight. I am 50, weigh 122 pounds on a 5'4" frame. I exercise regularly, mostly jogging and walking, with yoga, pilates, and some weightlifting. I am, however, very food focused. I love to cook, give parties, and obsessively study nutrition. I have been accused of causing whiplash in my children and husband as they struggle to assimilate changes in diet that are inspired by reading this or that article. I am a veteran of low carb eating, low fat eating, and lately the obsession has been with raw vegan diets or non-vegan raw and living diets.
My health is good for the most part. I occasionally have eczema on my hands, I have varicose veins on my legs from multiple pregnancies, and my joints are achy especially in the morning. My thyroid is on the low side and I am always cold even when others are very warm. I have a tendency toward depression on occasion, but am always functionally depressed, tending to voice the depression through anger at myself or those I love and live with.
I haven't had any medications for four and a half years, not even aspirin. I eat really well most of the time. I don't eat fast food, drink sodas or eat HFCS or preservatives, but have a ferocious sweet tooth and enjoy a glass or two of wine on a regular basis (probably two or three times a week). I was off coffee for a while, but have been having a cup in the morning for the last couple of weeks.
Lately, however, I have struggled with digestive upsets and chronic and painful bloating of my belly and swollen legs so that it hurts to bend my knees. I am thinking wheat allergy, hormonal imbalance, or dairy intolerance (I love aged cheeses), or perhaps candida from too many sweets and grains (even if they are whole grains).
I have been flirting with the raw food movement for the last few years, but haven't committed. When I tried it last summer, it seemed to aggravate the bloating, but maybe I didn't give it enough of a go. I guess if I were sure it were the healthiest thing ever, it would be worth the disruption, but it's hard to find accurate scientific information (the old placebo-controlled, double-blind study). Mostly I have a fascination, one might even say an obsession, and it feels right in my heart. I just know that it will cause tension because it shines light on the unhealthy eating patterns of others, even if I don't say anything. It's the non-participation issue that causes the most difficulty because I am not a "team player."
Anyway, that is it for today. The subject has been introduced, and I am asking whether there are other "not really out there" folks who share this fascination and how do you make it work within a very traditional meat and potatoes family?
It's scary because I know I will have to address a lot of issues in my life and relationships that have been put on hold for a long time.
